Pre – bereavement grief or anticipatory grief is a multitude of feelings and emotions that naturally occur before a loved one passes. There isn’t a one size fits all process when it comes to grief, and the journey of it can begin at different stages for everyone.
So, what is Pre – Bereavement Grief?
Pre – Bereavement Grief is a feeling of loss before someone dies, it is likely to be felt and experienced once receiving a terminal illness diagnosis, for instance you may be experiencing it if a friend or relative has cancer, dementia or another illness that will inevitably lead to their death.
Noticing the signs of Anticipatory Grief…
If you were to break up the term ‘Pre – Bereavement Grief’ into layers and to understand what exactly you are feeling at that moment of time you might notice some common feelings of:
Sadness: the feeling of sadness doesn’t just come from the loss you are anticipating but watching someone close to you suffer day in and day out can create a great feeling of sadness. This feeling is common through such a traumatic time, and it is important to remain vocal and pay attention to how you are feeling to avoid reaching a breaking point.
Guilt: with terminal illnesses may also come with the need for round the clock care, as a result you may feel guilty of not being able to do enough to help. The feeling of guilt may also stem from the feeling of tremendous sadness before they have gone or possibly guilt for wanting them to be at peace and for the suffering to come to an end. This is a common feeling of anticipatory grief and often not spoken about. It is important to engage with those also in the situation if you can, keep reading for resources to provide help.
Anxiety: the fear of the unknown often comes along when dealing with anticipation grief. This feeling can also come with lots of questions such as What does the future hold? What will life look like without this person? As well as How will you manage? Being able to acknowledge these feelings could potentially prevent sleepless nights or physical symptoms of anxiety such as a tight chest or your heart racing. Anticipatory grief can go on for an uncertain period of time, so being able to face the feelings as they come can prevent these feelings being so big.
These are just a few of the many feelings that come with pre – bereavement grief. If you feel any of the above and have people in your life that you can rely on for help and support, open up, talk and acknowledge your feelings. Even though you can’t change what’s happening you can potentially ease some of the heaviness you are experiencing.
If you don’t have a support circle around you but feel as though an outlet would be beneficial to you at such a saddening time, below are some available resources.
Resources to help you:
Marie Curie: Their page is for family members or friends of someone who has a terminal illness. But people who have a terminal illness can also feel anticipatory grief. “You might find it upsetting to read about difficult feelings or thoughts. We’re here to support you – call our free Support Line on 0800 090 2309 or email support@mariecurie.org.uk.”
The good grief trust: Their website offers a variety of support for those experiencing various types of grief, including Pre-bereavement. The linked page will take you through to their Pre-bereavement advice page where you can find details about The Anne Robson Trust. This provides telephone support for anyone facing the end of their life, and for their family, friends, colleagues and carers.
At a loss: Offers bereavement services and counselling across the UK. This organisation raises awareness of the effect of bereavement and provides self-help for bereaved individuals.
Importance of Pre – Bereavement Grief:
To conclude anticipatory grief is a feeling so large and can be felt for an extensive amount of time before transitioning to grief once the person has passed away. As much as it can feel isolating and lonely, it’s important to remember you are not alone and there is help for you whether it be with people you know or organisations out there to help.
Depending on the quality of life of your loved one when you receive the terminal illness diagnosis and whilst also trying to come to terms with the news, you can take this time helping to fulfil their wishes and making sure you have said everything to them whilst you can.
Some may take this opportunity to ask their loved one of how they would like you to keep living and honouring them once they are no longer here. Whether this be keeping up traditions or living and experiencing life on behalf of them.
This time may also present an opportunity for family and friends to have some meaningful discussions that you are able to cherish and hold onto forever and look back on fondly.
To remember these conversations why not try and capture via a voice recording or handwritten notes so they become more than just a memory, but you are able to keep that person alive in some way.
Of course, not every pre – bereavement process is the same and some may not be fortunate enough to collect sentimental keepsakes at this time. However, it is important to be there and be present, as time is exceptionally precious in fragile moments such as anticipatory grief periods.
